Think, Feel, & Act for Results

What we think affects how we feel.
How we feel affects how we act.
How we act creates our results. 
Our results create our life.

This is the core of my self coaching system. Everything flows from how we think. Yet most people have no idea about how and why they are thinking what they are thinking. They simply accept that a thought in their head is in control. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Thoughts are just passing opinions that we can choose to empower or that we can choose to dismiss. Ask yourself if a though, or belief, is useful. Ask yourself if that thought is making you better off, or if you’d be better off without that thought. This is the beginning point of creating everything you could ever want. Just because a thought happens to spontaneously appear does not make it true, regardless of how convincing the sensation of its emotion may feel — we must realize that our thoughts can mislead us. 

I read a lot of completely inaccurate articles that suggest that it is hard, if not impossible, to change our thinking.I struggled with understanding how easy it is to control our thoughts and beliefs. It took a lot of practice to understand that I can program useful thoughts into my head and that I can let go of non-useful thoughts. The first step in this process is to actually observe your thoughts.  Pay attention to what is going on inside your mind. Try this game that I recently learned from the great trading coach Van K. Tharp. Mr. Tharp has developed principals to obtain a mental edge. What he calls “Tharp Think”.  He teaches this mental edge thinking to some of the most successful traders and hedge fund managers around.

Go somewhere that is comfortable and quite and close your eyes. I have done this before falling asleep, others do it as a part of meditation. Begin to notice each thought that comes to you.  Pretend you are on the outside, actually watching each thought come into you.  Do not judge the thought, just notice it. One thought after another… some happy, some stressful, some odd… just observe how thoughts move into your mind. Do not act on them. The more you do this the easier it is. What you are actually doing is called mindfulness, or as I prefer, awareness. Begin to be aware of the thoughts that pass through. Later we will explore where these thoughts might have come from, if they are useful, and how to program useful thoughts in. For now, be sure to understand that just because a thought happens to spontaneously appear does not make it true, regardless of how convincing the sensation of its emotion may feel and that our thoughts can mislead us. 


Still exceptional rules after all these years!

1. How you think is everything – always be positive. Think success, not failure. Beware of a negative environment.
2. Decide upon your true dreams and goals. Write down your specific goals and develop a plan to reach th.
3. Take action. Goals are nothing without action. Don’t be afraid to get started. Just do it.
4. Never stop learning. Go back to school or read books. Get training and acquire skills.
5. Be persistent and work hard. Success is a marathon, not a sprint. Never give up.
6. Learn to analyze details. Get all the facts, all the input. Learn from your mistakes.
7. Focus your time and money. Don’t let other people or things distract you.
8. Don’t be afraid to innovate. Be different. Following the herd is a sure way to mediocrity.
9. Deal and communicate with people effectively. No person is an island. Learn to understand and motivate others.
10. Be honest and dependable. Take responsibility. Otherwise, nos. 1-9 won’t matter.

101 tips: Ways to be successful.

Don’t be overwhelmed. Just pick a few that you think can help you the most and focus on them. You don’t have to implement ALL of these things. Except the first 3. You must do those. And the next 5. And then what the heck—- just do them all 🤪

Make sure to set goals. Short-term (daily) and long-term (weekly, monthly and yearly).
Then break them down into smaller manageable chunks.
And create to-do lists. This is the only way to keep track of everything you need to get done.
Don’t be afraid to take risks. You will never be 100% ready when an opportunity arises.
Surround yourself with positive people. (Here is how to do that). 
Visualize yourself being successful. Better even, live as if you have already achieved success.
Make a plan or a blueprint for success. Imagine in your mind the steps you need to take to achieve your goal.
Listen to your gut. And look for signs from the Universe.
Don’t overthink things. Stay focused on what is really important and let go of everything else.
Work with the flow of things.
Know your distractions. Make a list of things that keep you from staying focused and make sure to get rid of them when you are working on your goal.
Understand that your time is limited. Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today.
And visualize (a successful) tomorrow before going to sleep.
Do things that scare you. Step out of your comfort zone from time to time.
Get rid of limiting beliefs and false ideologies. Stay open-minded.workshop-banner

Develop self-confidence. Or at least learn to act as if you are confident.
Be more sociable. This isn’t easy for many people, but it is still important to take small steps to develop social skills.
Accept your mistakes and learn from them.
And never let past failures stop you.
Be persistent. Keep going no matter what and develop a relentless motor.
Be flexible.
Understand the importance of taking care of yourself.
Pay close attention to your physical health. Eat good food, drink and smoke less, and exercise.
But don’t forget about our mental health. Learn a few stress-relief techniques and use them daily.
Always keep learning and growing.
Don’t just be book smart, be stress smart as well.
Make sure you know why you are trying to be successful. Do it for the right reasons and never forget what these reasons are. They will keep you motivated.
Find out what is blocking your success. And then work on eliminating it.
Optimize your sleeping habits. Develop an evening routine and go to bed at the same time every day.
Believe in yourself. You can do it!
No matter what, get up, dress up and show up.
Manage your time.
But leave space in your calendar for just relaxing and having fun.
Check-in with yourself regularly to make sure you aren’t overstressed.
Be more patient and calm. Good things are coming.
Think positive thoughts.
And learn to protect your personal energy. Don’t let the emotional vampires near yourself.
Have a strong desire to attain success. Read motivational quotes and inspiring stories if you need to.
Don’t make excuses for yourself.
Accept that you are only human, and you will make mistakes. It’s normal.
Hang out with successful people more and learn from them.
Be committed to your dreams.
Focus on opportunities and not failure.
When life gets tough, just keep going. It will get better soon. (Here is something that might help you – 64 ideas for self-care when life gets hard).
Visualize the process as well as the end goal.
And never focus on obstacles.
Be yourself.
Be willing to be different than everyone else.
Remember that it is your life. And make sure you are following your dreams and not someone else’s.
Don’t let other people influence your decisions too much. Listen to good advice. But remember that no one else is walking in your shoes.
Plus, people don’t actually care as much as you think they do – keep this in mind.
Trust that you are the only person who knows what’s best for you.
Realize that you don’t owe an explanation of your dreams and life goals to anyone.

Same as you don’t owe anyone an ear for endless complaining.
Remove toxic people from your life.
Be proactive.
Remember that knowing is not enough, you must be able to apply this knowledge. And being willing is not enough, you have to actually get it done.
Play on your strengths and work on your weaknesses.
Don’t take criticism personally.
But do learn and grow from feedback.
Be mentally active and engaged.
When you get bored or restless, find new hobbies, meet new people or go traveling.
In general, try to meet as many new people as possible. Everyone who comes into our life has something to teach us.
And travel more. It’s an eye-opening experience.
Closely monitor your progress.
Stay grateful.
Write down your thoughts when they become too much.
Be kind to yourself. Stop constantly blaming yourself for something.
Have an optimistic perspective on life. Everything will be OK.
Work on relationships.
Give generously and share what you have.
And be kind to others. You will never regret this.
Work harder than the rest.
Don’t procrastinate.
Don’t waste time doing unnecessary things.
Take responsibility for your actions, ideas, and thoughts.
Take control of your life.
Organize your mind and thoughts.
Learn to understand and control your emotions.
See the extraordinary in the ordinary every day.
Breathe deep and let go of negative things.
Mirror what you admire. Become what you respect.
Don’t be afraid to start over. You’re not giving up, just taking the chance to rebuild something better.
Don’t let the past hold you back.
Say thank you to all the people that are kind and loving to you.
Don’t be afraid to fail, be afraid not to try.
Trust that if the answer was NO, there is a better YES waiting for you down the road.
Get rid of all the drama in your life. It’s not the eighth grade.
Face your problems and don’t bury your head in the sand. There isn’t anything you can’t deal with.
Take breaks at regular intervals.
Spend more time with your friends and family.
Dream big.
Be open about your feelings. It will save you a lot of time.
Forgive. Sometimes it’s the only way to move forward with your life.
Learn how to make people like you.
Become comfortable with yourself and your surroundings.
Be flexible and open to change.
Say YES more often to experience new things.
But don’t be afraid to say NO.
Improve your self-esteem but always be humble
Silence your inner critic.
So, are you now ready for success?

Sunshine & Rainbows… not

I recently was reflecting on failure. To be sure, we all have failures. Those that take their hits and keep on trying are the ones I admire!

“The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place. It will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you’re hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much can you take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!” – Rocky Balboa

“The Art of Showing Up”

By Susan Shain New York Time

It’s the shiniest time of year: that hopeful period when we imagine how remarkable — how fit and kind, how fiscally responsible — our future selves could be. And while you may think “new year, new you” is nothing more than a cringey, magazine-cover trope, research supports its legitimacy.

“It’s not like there’s something magical about Dec. 31,” explained Charles Duhigg, the author of “The Power of Habit.” “What is magical is our mind’s capacity to create new narratives for ourselves, and to look for events as an opportunity to change the narrative.”

One such opportunity? January. Since most of us consider it a fresh start, Mr. Duhigg said New Year’s resolutions can be “very, very powerful” — as long as they’re backed by science, patience and planning.

At the core of every resolution are habits: good ones, bad ones, stop-biting-your-nails ones. So if you want to change yourself, that’s where you need to start. Here are seven science-based strategies for making sure your new habits endure.

Imagine it’s the next New Year’s Eve. What change are you going to be most grateful you made?

Kelly McGonigal, a health psychologist and author of “The Willpower Instinct,” suggested asking yourself this question before making any resolutions. “It’s crazy to me how often people work from the opposite,” she said. “They pick some behavior they’ve heard is good for them, and then they try to force it on themselves and hope it will lead to greater health or happiness.”

Sounds familiar, right? To avoid that trap, Dr. McGonigal recommended reflecting on what changes would make you happiest, then picking a “theme” for your year. That way, even if a particular habit doesn’t stick, your overarching intention will.

Take the theme of reducing stress, for example. You might try meditating and hate it. But, since your goal wasn’t “meditate 10 minutes a day,” you don’t have to abandon the resolution completely. Maybe you try yoga next.

Electing a unifying theme will also stimulate your brain to look for additional opportunities to advance your goal, said Dr. McGonigal, whereas narrowing yourself to a single behavior will cause your brain to “shut off once you check it off the list.”

According to Mr. Duhigg, research shows that rather than “breaking” bad habits, you should attempt to transform them into better ones. To do so, you need to determine your habit’s trigger (cue) and reward, and then find a new behavior that satisfies both.

While Mr. Duhigg said cues usually fall into one of five categories — time, location, people, emotion or ritual — rewards are more difficult to ascertain. Do you always get an afternoon snack because you’re hungry? Because you’re bored? Or is it because you’re starved for office gossip? To determine an effective replacement habit, it’s vital to understand what reward you crave.

“Any habit can be diagnosed and shifted,” Mr. Duhigg said. “You need to give yourself time to really figure out the cues and rewards that are driving that behavior — and oftentimes the only way … is through a process of experimentation.”

You may have heard the key to habit formation is starting small. But you’ve likely never considered starting as small as James Clear suggests in his new book “Atomic Habits.”

His “two-minute rule” prescribes only completing the outset of any new habit. So if you want to read a book a month, you read a page a day. If you want to play the piano, you sit at the bench and open your songbook.

Although he admitted it might sound frivolous, Mr. Clear said mastering “the art of showing up” helps put a behavior on autopilot. He shared the story of one man who drove to the gym every day, then exercised for a few minutes before going home. By performing that seemingly futile action for six weeks, Mr. Clear said the man slowly became “the type of person who works out every day.”

For a habit to abide, it must have immediate rewards. But before you go buying a smoothie after every workout, note that, according to Dr. McGonigal, the most effective rewards are intrinsic, or the ones you feel, not the ones you procure.

So maybe, instead of that frozen strawberry-kale-hemp delight, you simply notice the renewed energy you have after lifting weights. Or the pride you feel when you don’t smoke cigarettes. Naming the payoff, she said, helps your brain build positive associations with the activity.

Smarter Living

If you can’t find an intrinsic reward, it might not be the right habit. You shouldn’t, obviously, volunteer to build trails if you dislike being outside. If your goal is to give back to your community, volunteer with animals or at a homeless shelter instead. “Choose the form of the habit that brings you joy in the moment,” Mr. Clear added. “Because if it has some immediate satisfaction, you’ll be much more likely to repeat it in the future.”

We humans are weak. Which means environment design is our “best lever” for improving habits, according to Mr. Clear.

“The people who exhibit the most self-control are not actually those who have superhuman willpower,” he explained. “They’re the people who are tempted the least.” If you want to save more money, unfollow retailers’ social media accounts. If you want to watch less mindless television, unplug your TV. Dr. McGonigal also recommended displaying physical reminders of your goals — yes, that includes motivational Post-its.

Your environment encompasses the people around you, too. Mr. Clear suggested finding a group “where your desired behavior is the normal behavior,” and then forging friendships with its members (which will really get the habit to stick).

Despite your best intentions, chances are you’ll fail at some point along your new-year-new-you journey.

“The question isn’t ‘Are you going to be able to avoid that?’” said Mr. Duhigg. “The question is ‘What are you going to do next?’” If you have a recovery plan, or if you can learn from your failure, he said you’re “much more likely to succeed” in your goal.

So write down the obstacles you foresee and how you’ll surmount them. If you’re trying to drink less wine, for example, you should probably outline a plan for after your mother-in-law’s next visit.

Also effective, said Dr. McGonigal, is sharing your goals with other people, and then telling them how best to support you. By “outsourcing your willpower,” she explained, others can “hold your intention” for you, “even when you’re exhausted or you’re feeling really stressed out.”

Cake might only be for special occasions, but celebrations are for every day. Science says so.

“Celebration is one of the emotions that propel people further on the path of positive habits,” said Dr. McGonigal. Celebrating tells your brain a behavior is beneficial, and that it should look for more opportunities to engage in it.

The celebrations don’t have to be grand. If you finally study for your licensing exam, tell your co-worker. If you survive a tough workout, take a sweaty selfie. Dr. McGonigal said celebrations can actually change your memory of a particular experience, making it more positive than it was. “And that makes you more likely to choose to do it again in the future,” she added. Taking it a step further, you can send yourself a thank-you letter or FutureMe email expressing gratitude for your new habit.

That gratitude and that authentic pride, along with hope, social connection and compassion, are the most effective emotions for promoting long-lasting behavior change, according to Dr. McGonigal. The least effective are shame, guilt and fear.

So even if you stumble when forming your new habit — which research says you probably will — be kind to yourself. Although big, long-term change isn’t easy, it is possible. “Habits are not a finish line to be crossed,” said Mr. Clear. “They’re a lifestyle to be lived.”

Who are you listening to? Who are you learning from.? Why not let me help you? Corporate Trainer/Coach/Consultant ~Keynote Speaker ~ Writer/Best Selling Author ~ Podcast Host ~ Multi IronMan ~ MBA/RFC/ 32yrs in Finance/Banking/Investing/Trading ~ Fortune 100 Management Trained and Experienced ~ Health/Fitness/Nutrition~ Multi Entrepreneur ~ Mentor ~ CBT/REBT/NLP Certification. I will show you the route- but only if you desire the route.